Friend Group

Background: This originally hand-written journal entry is from 1/30/2024, specifically a night when I was very emotional about my cousin Liz who I miss every single day. This is for Liz, my parents, brothers, 30+ amazing cousins, and my aunts and uncles who gifted them to me.

"The amount of smiling I do in this group chat is statistically astronomical compared to any other chat in my phone. I love it." - Evan

I've always wanted to write something about my cousins, for my cousins, but I had a mental block that wouldn't let me because I knew I'd never be able to put into words how much they mean to me. I think I'm finally ready to try, feeling closer to them than ever, despite the distance between us.

I've never been one for friend groups. I always find myself somewhere in the middle, feeling like I don't really belong. I've always preferred a close relationship with one person- my go-to, can talk to about anything, and we'll always love each other always type of person. Luckily for me, I found two of these once-in-a-lifetime friends- one at age 4 and one in college. But even luckier for me, I have two amazing brothers and almost 40 cousins who fit this role as well.

In college, frats, sororities, and big friend groups in general sometimes made me question if I was just bad at making a lot of friends and being close with them. I tried to put myself into those worlds a few times- going to the sorority interest meeting (just to leave and throw away the papers right after), playing on the club soccer team, and joining other clubs on campus. I thought that by joining these groups I'd have to become a friend group person. Long story short, I didn't. EXCEPT for After Hours- I love you so. Instead, I was hanging out with my two closest friends and 9 out of 10 times skipping a party to go have a sleepover with my cousin Sonia.

During these sleepovers with Sonia, we'd talk about all the silly college drama I had to fill her in on, but seemingly always ended up talking about our family. "We're just family people. Our cousins are our brothers and sisters, and our closest friends," we'd say. That's when it hit me- my cousins are my friend group. The biggest and most loving friend group I could ever be a part of. I've always belonged in this group. I've never floated around somewhere in the middle, wondering if I was saying or doing the right thing. Each of them reminds me of a special memory, and being with them all together is by far the highlight of my childhood and the best feeling for me still today. Writing about my cousins wouldn't be complete without dedicating a section to Liz.

Liz, Lizard, Alizé, Bete, etc. I'm crying right now as I write this. I miss her so much. And I'm still in shock. "The matriarch of our cousins," as Evan called her. Sidenote: Evan is always saying these great, quotable statements- we should make him the Quote King or something.

Liz was so fun, caring, loving, and special to each of us for different reasons. She was everything I'd ever want in a friend. She knew about this cousin friend group before I realized it, and I thank her for holding us all together forever. I hear her talking to me and feel her traveling with me all the time. I know she's still with all of us daily. She appears in the form of Alizé in the duty-free section of the Lisbon airport, in the Thong Song (lol), in her twin niece Alayna, as a plane trail smiley face in the sky, and most importantly in the love we all show each other.